Resolution Reruns



This week I’ve been across the entire country.  I started my week in Washington, DC and I’ll finish up in Portland, Oregon.  And it’s the new year every where I go.

There are endless lose-weight and get-organized and quit-smoking commercials on every television and radio station in the country.  The gyms and the yoga studios and the indoor tracks are packed.  There are crates of scales stacked next to crates of Jack LaLanne juicers stacked next to bins of free weights and Slimfast in every Walmart and Costco in every town in America.

We’re six days in now, long enough to realize that keeping up this pace and this level of personal improvement is not going to be easy, long enough for our muscles to be really sore, and long enough for our minds and bodies to start mounting a campaign of revolt.

There is something so hopeful and energizing about a new year and a fresh start.  An ever-present upward reach impels us to consider our present state and strive for better, especially because most of us don’t have Calvin’s hubris.  Down deep we know there’s a significant need to grow and improve.

So we set goals and make resolutions.   But even as we turn over new leaves, there is a doubtful thought nagging at us in the back of our minds… that is, of course, that for most of us, the resolutions we just made are eerily similar to the exact same ones we made last year.  We’re not getting very far.

A few years ago, my youngest daughter was diagnosed with an eating disorder.  As part of her treatment, she was taught a powerful tool that I think can help many of us as we try to replace our bad habits with good ones and resolve (once and for all!) to achieve our goals.  The principle they taught her was “the next right choice.”  Her doctors and counselors explained to her that she wasn’t going to be perfect, that she was going to slip up, that the destructive compulsions inside her would most likely show up again in her life.  But the one thing that would make the crucial difference in her overall recovery was her ability to make “the next right choice.”

What my daughter’s coaches knew was that sometimes the biggest deterrent to our progress is the sabotage that takes place in our own minds when we make a mistake.  The negative self-talk and guilt and berating thoughts can be like a poison to our hopeful new resolutions.  It becomes a destructive spiral — we beat ourselves up over a small infraction which leads to the erroneous conclusion that we are incurably defective, which leads to the defeatist question, “So why even try?”  The answer is obvious and, at that point, we give in and give up.

The antidote to this spiral is the idea of “the next right choice.”  Whatever it is that you failed to do — missed your run, spoke impatiently to your kids, traded your wheat-grass shake for a chocolate brownie — put it behind you and make the next right choice.

Here is a method for doing just that: 

1.  Quash the self-recriminating thoughts by redirecting your mind back to your goal and visualize the desired outcome as vividly as you can. 

2.  Then break the long-range goal into a more manageable “first milestone.”  Project yourself forward to that milestone moment — a reasonably proximate improvement point — and envision and sense the satisfaction and encouragement even that modest achievement will bring.  As you do, you will probably notice a shift in your emotional state.  The gnawing knot in your stomach that whispers “Who am I kidding?” will be supplanted with a more calming feeling of  “I can do this.” 

3.  Then, visualize the next moment of choice — the next time for your run, or the next meal, or the next frustrating moment with your children.  Visualize yourself making the right choice at that next intersection.  I can promise you that, at that moment, you will notice an appreciable increase in confidence and a feeling of well-being will beckon you forward.

Using this approach in “making the next right choice” in conjunction with vivid and positive visualization breaks a destructive mental cycle and will create breakthroughs in your achievement.  It creates an immediate course correction and generates a sense of confidence and validation.  Best of all, by continually applying this tool, you create cumulative forward progress toward your goals and eliminate the very common, self-defeating, sidetracking discouragement that is the enemy of every good resolution.

Will Durant said, “Forget mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it. “  Make your resolutions.  Make your goals.  And then make the next right choice.  And the one after that.  And you will see remarkable progress toward those lofty personal and professional goals.

I’m interested in your thoughts.

Mental Toughness in Quma’s Front Office



Some of you who have called the office have had the pleasure of talking to our director of client relations, Jennifer Lee.  And not only is Jennie capable and efficient and an all-around office wonder woman, she recently ran a half marathon.  Her experience is one we can all learn from.

Jennie’s race was the 2nd annual Shun the Sun Race.  She had run the 5K portion of the race the year before and felt it was “grueling,” but she watched her sister finish the half marathon and wished she could do the same.

Jennie started 2010 with the decision to focus on her physical health.  She studied and read and made significant changes in her lifestyle and diet.  As her strength and stamina increased, she decided to “step up” her exercise goals.  While she had been running weekly, she wasn’t formally on a schedule.  She needed a goal to help solidify her commitment.  In her mind she had a picture of her sister crossing the finish line after her half marathon the year before, and this mental picture sparked Jennie’s own dreams and desires.

With this picture in her mind, she determined to run the same race.  She had nearly 16 weeks to train to be able to run 13.1 miles.  Before this time, the farthest Jennie had ever run was 5 miles.  She studied and researched and found a training schedule that she customized to a pace that she thought she could manage.  She saved her long runs for Saturday and found it was always the high point of her week.  For these long runs, Jennie would map a course out a few days prior and mentally prepare to go the distance.

She later said, “I found that some days were harder than others.  If I didn’t eat right that week or if I didn’t get sufficient sleep the night prior, my runs would be harder and more challenging.  As I got deeper into my training I realized how important a role my eating habits played into my abilities to run distance.  I also began to sacrifice Friday night outings with friends to ensure I would get enough sleep to do my long runs on Saturday mornings.  I quickly found myself learning that my running became my greatest priority.

“There was a Saturday in October I was running the peak distance, 12 miles before the big race.  I knew that if I could do 12 I could certainly do 13.1!  Mentally I told myself that I could do it.  No matter how long it took me, I would run the 12 miles without stopping.  It was probably the best run I had ever had.  Yes, even better than the actually race. . . I was prepared and rested.  Before I knew it I was at the ten mile mark and I felt good, I could feel the smile on my face and knew that I was then ready for the race.”

Jennie had prepared.  She had studied.  She had trained.  She was physically ready.  What happened next is instructive for each of us.

The day of the race she felt great on the first loop (the first 8 miles) of her race.  Then she said, her body started to hurt, and started to beg for her to stop.  She said, “My ankles were sore and my legs wanted to stop.  I remember reading a sign that said something to the effect that ‘You can’t let your body tell your mind what to do.’  I remember thinking that my mind is more powerful than my legs.  So for the last 4 miles or so, I would tell my mind to tell my legs and feet and ankles to keep going.  My mind had to take over in order for me to finish this race.”

And then came the moment she had pictured all those many weeks ago…the finish line.  Jennie said, “I always pictured the finish line, a cheering audience, tears streaming down my face, pictures being taken.  And you know what?  It was similar, but I felt like the greater accomplishment was the effort invested in the preparation.  As I reflected, I realized that I was more satisfied with all the effort and dedication and commitment that lead up to the race than the race itself.  Our minds power our bodies, our minds give us the will to go forward when our ankles are weak, our minds are the start and finish of all mortal races!”

The day before Jennie’s race I sent her an email with a couple of my favorite running quotes. One by Steve Prefontaine is confirmed by Jennie’s experience.  He said, “You have to wonder at times what you’re doing out there. Over the years, I’ve given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement.”

Jennie had a goal.  She had a mental picture of that goal.  She trained consistently and doggedly at her own pace.  And in the heat of the moment, when her body wanted to stop, she refused to listen.

These same principles apply to each of us, no matter our goal.  I believe there is a moment in every achievement, every success and human endeavor–no matter how prepared or ready we are–that begs us to stop, to give up, to quit, to ease up.  Real satisfaction, power, and success is found in mentally willing ourselves past this moment to the finish line.

I’m interested in your thoughts.

Pushing Our Limits – Part 2



We can all do hard things.  In my view, to enjoy genuine satisfaction and happiness, we must do hard things. More than once. Actually, continually and regularly.

Admittedly, this concept is not original with me. It is found throughout the annals of mankind. As an example, let me paraphrase something Paul of Tarsus wrote to a group of Christians in Rome two millennia ago: Let us rejoice in hope of the glory of God; and not only that, let us rejoice in adversity and challenges also; knowing that adversity and challenges develop patience and perseverance. And, patience and perseverance develop character and strength; and character and strength produce hope and confidence that, in turn, yield the joy that God intends for us.

Modern Example:  Running a Marathon

A friend shared this experience:  “When I first thought about running a marathon, the goal seemed  formidable and frightening.  How in the world could I run, or even walk, 26.2 miles?  The first month, I started run-walking one or two miles. By the end of the second month, I was able to run a 10K (6 miles). It wasn’t easy, but it gave me a great feeling of accomplishment when I first did it. 

“By the third month, 6 miles was not a big deal.  I could do it fairly easily. So, I started stretching my distances—meaning, I started stretching myself.  Each time I set my mind to go beyond my current “limit,” my body seemed to whine and balk at it.  But every time I made my body do what I wanted to do, I received a feeling of great joy and confidence when I did it. I also noticed that after I had pushed my body to a new limit, it seemed to accept it.  After running that distance a few more times, it became fairly easy, whether it was 6 miles, 12 miles or 20.  

“Every time I achieved a new goal, I could tell my body became stronger.  Even better, I became stronger and more confident as a person. 

“Five months after I first set my goal of running a marathon, I did it.  Not only did I finish, but it wasn’t nearly as grueling as I had first imagined. Amazingly, in many ways running the marathon was easier than my first 10K (6-miler).

“That’s when I learned for myself a lesson that I’d heard many times before but had never applied: Our fears hold us back and keep us from realizing high goals and reaching our potential. Fear makes a lot of things appear to be much harder and more painful than they really are.   

More Thoughts from Abraham Maslow

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth.  Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

 “What one can be, one must be…. Even if all needs are satisfied, we soon develop a new discontent and restlessness, unless the individual is doing what he is fitted for.”

 “People with intelligence must use their intelligence, people with eyes must use their eyes, people with the capacity to love have the impulse to love and the need to love in order to feel healthy. Capacities clamor to be used, and cease in their clamor only when they are used sufficiently.”

 “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write poetry, to ultimately be at peace with himself.”

Pushing Our Limits — Key to Happiness



Abraham Maslow, one of the brighter minds of the 20^th century wrote, “If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you’ll be unhappy for the rest of your life.”  While agreeing with his statement, I raise a question: Does anyone deliberately plan on being less than he or she is capable?  I don’t think so; at least we do not think of doing so in those exact terms.  No one gets up in the morning and thinks, “Today, I am going to get out there and live way below my potential.” Rather, we let our fears and our addiction to comfort govern our  choices, and we are all prone to opting for the course of least pain and effort.

 You Can Do Hard Things

           One night my wife, Susan, was helping our son Christian with his English homework.  He was in about sixth grade at the time.  To understand the dynamics of this experience, you need to know that Christian was born with profound, bilateral hearing loss.  The way Christian has dealt with his deafness has been a remarkable example of The Ownership Spirit in itself.  He is a true inspiration to me and many, many others.  One of his courageous choices was to be mainstreamed in the public school system.  This he undertook with enthusiasm and a positive attitude.  Although this route was more challenging in many ways, Christian excelled. He did well socially as well as academically, earning mostly A’s and B’s.  But, his toughest class, by far, was English.

            If you have mastered a second language, I extend my sincere respect.  That is no small feat.  If you have mastered English as your second language, my respect for you climbs even higher.  The English language is fraught with so many quirky rules it’s a formidable challenge to master it.  If you couple that with the fact that Christian can’t even hear it, then you get some idea of what a challenge English has been for him. 

            So, now picture that one night Susan is helping Christian with his English.  He had learned one of the quirky rules and applied it, and it worked.  Then he encountered one of the exceptions to the rule and it threw him for a moment.  He put his pen down firmly on his notepad and said in the unmistakable tones consistent with his deafness, “This is sooo haaarrdd.”  There was a pause and then Susan, gently but firmly responded, “Yes, Christian, it is very hard. “But you can do hard things.”

            That statement has become a mantra—a scripture—around our home. I can’t tell you how many times that thought has given me inspiration to keep battling as I have encountered obstacles in my path since that time.

The Matter of Thought



Thoughts are real. They are not ethereal figments; they are organized energy. They are concentrated bundles (quanta, if you will) of energy capable of harnessing every other form of energy.

Thoughts are not only powerful, they are, in fact, power.  Literally.

An infinitely comprehensive law of conservation prevails in the universe: Matter cannot be created out of nothing; neither can it be “destroyed.” The same holds true of energy. Energy cannot be annihilated. One reality (matter or energy) can be converted to the other, but neither can be destroyed.  The sum of mass-energy in the universe never changes.

We are only beginning to scratch the surface of our ability to measure thoughts and activity in the mind. Someday we will discover more accurate ways of measuring the mind and will prove that it is the highest manifestation of energy-matter on the spectrum. Through the power of thought, mankind has already harnessed many prodigious forms of energy to an impressive degree. It remains only a matter of time and development until we harness them all. This is nothing more nor less than a case of the lesser becoming subject to the greater.

Thoughts are just as tangible and just as real as the chair you are sitting on as you read this blog.  Yet, thoughts have amazing properties, excelling most energy-matter.

Thoughts are literal forms of energy. And this energy can be focused and directed, and has supremacy over all other forms of energy and matter. Furthermore, your ability to control and wield this power can grow and increase. Your ability to do so is a measurement of and proportionate to your current level of faith and internal strength—or, in other words, your level of mind management.

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