I graduated high school in 1990 and went to undergraduate school at UNC Chapel Hill.  My parents were unable to pay for my college, however, I worked a 40 hour work week, running my own business, and graduated in 4 years.  I excelled on campus, both socially and academically.   Upon graduating college, with a double major in Political Science and History, I found work with the local police department.  I attended the police academy and graduated first in my class.  I worked patrol for less than a year before being promoted to the Vice/Narcotics squad.  I excelled at this, receiving numerous accommodations.

However, it wasn’t enough.  So 7 years later, I left the police department to start my own construction and real estate firm.  I grew it from a single basement office into a booming business.  I was building 20-30 homes at a time and had a staff of more than 10.  I was the talk of the town.

Then, it all started to crumble.   As quick as I attained it, I seemed to lose it all.  The houses stopped moving, the bills kept coming and before I knew it, I was $680,000 in debt.  People turned on me, including my family.

I lost it all; my savings, my house, and then my marriage.  However, I kept my dignity.  I set up a payment plan with my trades and got it all paid back.  It took me 2 years, but I liquidated and worked it out.  But in the end, I had lost everything.  I lost the $300k house, the nice cars, and my wife of 14 years.

I moved into a rental house that my boss owned.  I struggled each week to put gas in my car and feed my kids.  I remember one day paying for gas in change, $.93 cents, just enough to get me home.  I kept majority custody of my kids.  They kept me going.

Then, it seemed I got the break I needed.  A job offer…one that seemed too good to be true;  a sales representative with an unbelievable company.  A job I loved, all the while helping others.  In January, 2009 I was flown to Tucson, Arizona for the Varsity Gold annual sales meeting.  I was recognized for signing up more programs than anyone in the history of the company.  However, the best thing to come from this trip to the desert was the four hour Quma session with Dennis Deaton.  At first, I wasn’t sure what to expect until he first spoke.  His passion spewed throughout our small group.  And I quickly knew that Dennis had figured it out.  I wasn’t quite sure what “it” was.  When the session was over, I shook his hand and thanked him.  I also picked up a copy of The Ownership Spirit.  I started to read it on the flight back to North Carolina.  I understood it completely; however, it just didn’t set in with me initially.

Two weeks after being back, that dream job was shattered by the news that the owners of the company had foolishly made some poor financial decisions and Varsity Gold was headed into bankruptcy.  I remember that Monday night as I sat in my empty house.  My kids were gone.  I sat on my bed after hanging up from that dreaded conference call.  I began to sob.  What now?!?

Then, I turned and saw the book on my bedside table where it had sat since I returned from Arizona.  I picked it up and started to reread it.  Then, suddenly I got it.  It all was clear.  That bankruptcy court, nor my failed marriage, nor my failed business, or anything controlled my destiny.  I DID!!!

“The consummate truth of life is that we alter our destiny by altering our thoughts. “

Starting on that Monday night in the wee hours of the morning, my destiny was altered.  Something I had failed to do during those tough times.  I stood on my bed and start shouting, “IT STOPS TONIGHT!!!  TONIGHT, I TAKE BACK CONTROL!!!  Then, I shouted louder, NO!!!!! NOT ANYMORE!!!!  All the while, sobbing and crying.

I had figured it out, thanks to Dennis Deaton.  I always possessed it.  I did when I was first in my class, or heading a booming business, or being a wonderful father.  I just lost sight out when the times weren’t so great.

But never again; so that Monday night, in the early morning hours, I made the decision to no longer be the victim.  Today, I own and operate my own fundraising business.  I am replenishing my bank accounts, and the level of content within me is back.  I am successful once again and that confidence level is through the roof.

Thank you, Dennis.  Thanks for that One Grand Key that I had all along but lost sight of.

 When we sense or perceive a lack of control, we tend to slow down.

 Weird, I know, but I just kept pursuing that line of thinking, and applied it to the workplace. What ultimately influences whether a person speeds up or slows down on the job?  I think it has to do with a sense of control stemming from conditions that are not as objective as a slippery highway.

 In fact, the conditions are quite subjective and open for interpretation. In victim thinking, much of the “my input doesn’t count” and “there’s nothing I can do” mentality is often  more perception than reality. People unduly limit their influence and stew in the consequences without even realizing it.

Far from “there is nothing I/we can do,” there is virtually no end to what committed minds can do when they see how many options they truly have and how many creative solutions can be generated out of a “we can and we will” mentality.  

 The Key to transforming victim thinking into owner thinking—as individuals and as teams—is to teach people where their Locus of Control actually lies and lead them to an appreciation of the spectacular personal benefits that come from exerting control where control will succeed.

So what have you done to improve your thoughts today?  That thought itself is a worthwhile exercise to work with in your mental gym. When something did not go your way, were you able to use your presence of mind to recognize that you had choices at that instant–the choice to become angry or just take it in stride or do something constructive about it.  

From the Ownership Spirit book, I offer you a couple of thoughts that can serve as exercises to think about and ponder a bit: 

1.  We each have a body; but we are not our bodies. We have emotions, but we are not our emotions. And, we have feelings, but we are not our feelings.

2.  Each of us, at the core, is the thinker of thoughts inside our bodies, and what that thinker of thoughts chooses to think has everything to say about the quality of the life we live.

3. We are the only species that can think about its thinking right in the process of thinking it. 

As you dwell upon these suggested ponder points, you will soon find yourself thinking differently about thinking itself.  That is the Key!

One visit to the gym will not turn you into a mental Olympian, but it is where you start.  Doing something as simple as choosing to respond with patience rather than with irritation has, over time, an incredibly powerful cumulative effect. 

A good friend of mine, David Daughtrey, says, “If you consistently do what anybody can do but don’t, eventually you’ll be able to do what other people wish they could do, but cannot.”  And, that is another thought worth thinking about. 

Only you can set yourself on a course of continuous growth and increased power over your life.

“What can I do as a leader to keep folks in the “taking action” mode?  Having big plans for the future is great, but life is about  “taking action” and it is that part that trips us up.  We have positive momentum in place, but we need to put our noses to the grindstone and gut out the “un-fun” parts rather than returning to the status quo behaviors of the past.  I guess I am just worried that folks will fall back into their old ways when the challenge of ”taking action” tests us.  Any ideas on what I can do 1:1 or in group settings to stay on top of this message?”

The essence of my answer:  Great leaders have to be continuous teachers.  Human beings seldom change their thoughts unless and until they’re exposed to new ideas—hence the existence of schools, churches, and even advertising campaigns. 

I recommended to this leader that he educate his people relentlessly—and keep exposing them to personally-applicable material that expands their expectations of themselves.

“Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to higher sights, the raising of a person’s performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations.”  -Peter F. Drucker

I shared with him something I would recommend to any leader—whether you are leading a work team or a family—hold frequent educational STUDY GROUPS.

As I wrote my response to this email, I realized that I was re-writing what I have written in my new book, Ownership Spirit: The One Grand Key that Changes Everything Else, and would recommend that you get a copy for each of your people, and then use that as a study group text—everyone reads the same chapter and then gets together to discuss and apply.  This has proven to be a very effective means of bringing Ownership into a team culture.  The study group sessions can be part of regular team meetings or done on a voluntary basis as a “brown bag” lunch series, open to whomever wants to participate.  Several teams from different companies have done it both ways and all seem to work.  

Thanks for the inquiry.  If you have a question feel free to post a comment here and I will help out! 

So, let me share with you  three simple steps to increase your personal accountability:

1.  Enthrone Commitment

The old adage, Let your word be your bond, seems out of synche with today’s “show me a loophole and I’ll drive a truck through it” mentality. Yet, the world is starved for people who can truly be counted on—who honor commitments, large or small. The principle of commitment-keeping is a principle of power. Look at what has happened to the individuals and organizations who have flouted that principle.

2.  Make No Idle Promises

Every promise we make and keep, however small, adds to our personal power and the influence we wield. Conversely, every unkept promise diminishes our influence. The next time you are inclined to say, “Hey, I’ll call you and we’ll go to lunch,” stop and think, “Do I really mean that? Do I really intend to call?”  If that’s not your real intention, don’t dilute your power by making a promise you do not intend to keep.    

3.  Stop Shrugging Off Lapes

If you make a commitment and do not complete it, don’t just dismiss it with some lame excuse about how busy you were. Own up and fess up.  Call the other party, acknowledge your lapse and apologize. If you conscientiously clean up your messes as you go, you will become less inclined to make them in the first place. 

Thanks again for reading and being part of the Quma Qummunity!

Click on this link to order the book from the Quma Store and you will receive 25% off the cover price of $16.95 during this promotional period.  Enter the code qummunity to receive your discount.

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This weekend I dedicated my time to attending a two-day conference that was geared in part toward helping people live happier, more fulfilling lives by shifting from self-centered living to other-oriented, unselfish service. Both days were replete with outstanding messages from outstanding speakers.

Knowing that nothing has the sure memory of a notepad, I planned on taking notes during the conference, so I could retain as many pearls as possible.

Throughout the Saturday sessions, I made copious notes. When I heard an enlightening idea, I wrote it down. Frequently, as I captured the thought, I said to myself something like, “Wow, that was brilliant.” Or, “There’s a superb insight.” And, “What a ingenious way to illustrate that point. Never heard it put quite like that before.” By the end of the day, I had recorded several pages of valuable ideas and concepts.

Later that night, I went back over my notes. As I did so, something dawned on me. I realized something about the way I had been participating in the conference. It was reflected in the way I had recorded the notes. My point of view was more like a journalist reporting on the concepts rather than like a participant intent on growing and improving by applying the concepts. I thought I had been earnestly engaged in the messages, but my viewpoint was more intellectual than practical. As a result, the actual benefit to my life was quite limited.

And, I thought about that. “Why was I intellectualizing so much? Am I afraid of change? If I’m truly seeking to improve, I need to look for and identify specific points of change.”

Without boring you with any more personal introspections, the end result was that I made a commitment to listen differently to the next day’s sessions. I decided to look for things to do, not just things to know and note. I made a commitment to convert any suggestions made by the speakers into actions. In fact that is how I entitled that day’s notes—“Actionables.”

I am still amazed at what a difference that made in my experience the next day. I thought I had gotten a lot out of the first day’s sessions. Insignificant, compared to what I gained from the second day’s sessions.

As I write this blog, I have, just to the side of my laptop, two sets of notes. One is a list of great ideas that tickled my intellect. The other is a list of meaningful action steps, goals, and changes that, when applied, will improve the way I live my life.

It’s amazing what I can either overlook or what I can see, just by how I set my mind.

Your thoughts about my thoughts…

When people willfully commit to something hard in order to push their boundaries, it is then that the nobility of the human spirit is manifest. Today I saw that human nobility on plain display in Noble Canyon, California—the site of a grueling ultra marathon. I was there with family to support my 26 year-old daughter, Rachel, a young mother of three, in her 33 mile run over terrain that would tax a Hummer.

Rachel and her running partner, Melissa Kleiner, had made the decision to enter this race a mere four months prior. To even come close to being prepared for this kind of a test in that amount of time required a lot of discipline and sacrifice right from the start. Many of their runs required arising in the wee morning hours so they could fit their training into their normal load of commitments. For Rachel, who just gave birth to Lora in February, it meant arising at 3:30 a.m. in order to nurse the baby before her runs. To me, such discipline bespeaks nobility.

Both Rachel and Melissa are fit and athletic, but neither had run distances approaching an ultra marathon. From the very beginning their goal was to simply finish the race in under 9 hours—the official cut-off time for the event.

At the 7:05 a.m. start, 138 very fit runners commenced. Not all of them finished. Along the route, I saw nobility in the attitudes and actions displayed by both the runners and the many volunteers who served them at the aid stations. Example after example of runners helping other runners, and volunteers going “above and beyond” to help someone they did not even know reach a personal goal was inspiring and humbling.

I saw nobility again when Melissa arrived at an aid station deep into the race. The 21.7 miles had clearly taken their toll. She was hurting. You could just see the pain in her eyes, and they began to well with tears. For a second I thought, “oh oh, this might be it.” She stood there for a moment, head bowed, hands on her hips. Then, she straightened her back, lifted her head, and let us know that she was not about to quit. “Fill up my camel back. Make sure it’s full this time, I need to get going,” she said.

It was plain that a victory had been fought and won in those brief seconds. Melissa had been tempted to quit, but she fought off the doubts and the pain, and made the decision to keep fighting. A few minutes later nobility ran up the hill for the last 11.3 miles, making her body do what her mind had set out to do from the start—to finish.

The final scenes of nobility were unforgettable and priceless. From our vantage point near the finish line, we could only see the final quarter mile. Our anxiety grew as the time waned. The ticking of the seconds, plainly evident before us on the official race clock, seemed to ridicule our hopes of two happy endings, as the official close of the race at the 9-hour mark drew nearer and nearer.

Estimating Rachel’s progress from the time we had last seen her (leaving Aid Station Four, 11.3 miles earlier) we knew, if her body did not “hit the wall,” she had a good chance of finishing—of even coming in well ahead of the 9-hour cut-off. We even started hoping for the possibility that she might finish under 8 hours. But the clock was relentless. 7 hours and 50 minutes went by. No Rachel. 7:52:00 went by. No Rachel. 7:53:00 went by too. About that time we knew that if we didn’t see her within a minute or so, she would not be able to cover the final quarter mile in time to get there under 8 hours.

And then, we saw a head…a brunette…with a gray shirt…a lot like Rachel’s. Yes! It was Rachel! 7 hrs and 54 minutes and some seconds!! Still enough time to make it under 8 hours! We screamed and yelled and almost ruptured our vocal chords cheering her on. Official time: 7 hrs, 55 minutes and 50 seconds!

In the minutes that followed Melissa too made her appearance, well ahead of “closing time.”

Rachel and Melissa both reached their goals. They finished ahead of the official cut-off time of 9 hours. The winner, 50 year-old, amazing Eric Clifton crossed the finish line in 4 hours 44 minutes. Yet their victory was no less impressive nor any less sweet. Making yourself carry on when every step is a pain, completing what you set out to do, no matter how hard it gets, that’s nobility.  And, manning the aid stations, unselfishly doing things to help others reach their goals? Well, that’s nobility too.