I graduated high school in 1990 and went to undergraduate school at UNC Chapel Hill.  My parents were unable to pay for my college, however, I worked a 40 hour work week, running my own business, and graduated in 4 years.  I excelled on campus, both socially and academically.   Upon graduating college, with a double major in Political Science and History, I found work with the local police department.  I attended the police academy and graduated first in my class.  I worked patrol for less than a year before being promoted to the Vice/Narcotics squad.  I excelled at this, receiving numerous accommodations.

However, it wasn’t enough.  So 7 years later, I left the police department to start my own construction and real estate firm.  I grew it from a single basement office into a booming business.  I was building 20-30 homes at a time and had a staff of more than 10.  I was the talk of the town.

Then, it all started to crumble.   As quick as I attained it, I seemed to lose it all.  The houses stopped moving, the bills kept coming and before I knew it, I was $680,000 in debt.  People turned on me, including my family.

I lost it all; my savings, my house, and then my marriage.  However, I kept my dignity.  I set up a payment plan with my trades and got it all paid back.  It took me 2 years, but I liquidated and worked it out.  But in the end, I had lost everything.  I lost the $300k house, the nice cars, and my wife of 14 years.

I moved into a rental house that my boss owned.  I struggled each week to put gas in my car and feed my kids.  I remember one day paying for gas in change, $.93 cents, just enough to get me home.  I kept majority custody of my kids.  They kept me going.

Then, it seemed I got the break I needed.  A job offer…one that seemed too good to be true;  a sales representative with an unbelievable company.  A job I loved, all the while helping others.  In January, 2009 I was flown to Tucson, Arizona for the Varsity Gold annual sales meeting.  I was recognized for signing up more programs than anyone in the history of the company.  However, the best thing to come from this trip to the desert was the four hour Quma session with Dennis Deaton.  At first, I wasn’t sure what to expect until he first spoke.  His passion spewed throughout our small group.  And I quickly knew that Dennis had figured it out.  I wasn’t quite sure what “it” was.  When the session was over, I shook his hand and thanked him.  I also picked up a copy of The Ownership Spirit.  I started to read it on the flight back to North Carolina.  I understood it completely; however, it just didn’t set in with me initially.

Two weeks after being back, that dream job was shattered by the news that the owners of the company had foolishly made some poor financial decisions and Varsity Gold was headed into bankruptcy.  I remember that Monday night as I sat in my empty house.  My kids were gone.  I sat on my bed after hanging up from that dreaded conference call.  I began to sob.  What now?!?

Then, I turned and saw the book on my bedside table where it had sat since I returned from Arizona.  I picked it up and started to reread it.  Then, suddenly I got it.  It all was clear.  That bankruptcy court, nor my failed marriage, nor my failed business, or anything controlled my destiny.  I DID!!!

“The consummate truth of life is that we alter our destiny by altering our thoughts. “

Starting on that Monday night in the wee hours of the morning, my destiny was altered.  Something I had failed to do during those tough times.  I stood on my bed and start shouting, “IT STOPS TONIGHT!!!  TONIGHT, I TAKE BACK CONTROL!!!  Then, I shouted louder, NO!!!!! NOT ANYMORE!!!!  All the while, sobbing and crying.

I had figured it out, thanks to Dennis Deaton.  I always possessed it.  I did when I was first in my class, or heading a booming business, or being a wonderful father.  I just lost sight out when the times weren’t so great.

But never again; so that Monday night, in the early morning hours, I made the decision to no longer be the victim.  Today, I own and operate my own fundraising business.  I am replenishing my bank accounts, and the level of content within me is back.  I am successful once again and that confidence level is through the roof.

Thank you, Dennis.  Thanks for that One Grand Key that I had all along but lost sight of.

 When we sense or perceive a lack of control, we tend to slow down.

 Weird, I know, but I just kept pursuing that line of thinking, and applied it to the workplace. What ultimately influences whether a person speeds up or slows down on the job?  I think it has to do with a sense of control stemming from conditions that are not as objective as a slippery highway.

 In fact, the conditions are quite subjective and open for interpretation. In victim thinking, much of the “my input doesn’t count” and “there’s nothing I can do” mentality is often  more perception than reality. People unduly limit their influence and stew in the consequences without even realizing it.

Far from “there is nothing I/we can do,” there is virtually no end to what committed minds can do when they see how many options they truly have and how many creative solutions can be generated out of a “we can and we will” mentality.  

 The Key to transforming victim thinking into owner thinking—as individuals and as teams—is to teach people where their Locus of Control actually lies and lead them to an appreciation of the spectacular personal benefits that come from exerting control where control will succeed.

Nevertheless, the fact remains: Employee engagement is an individual responsibility. In the end, it is the inside story that tells the tale. You can provide me the most optimized environment, yet, if I choose not to be engaged, your efforts are in vain.

To paraphrase President Lincoln’s well known quip about happiness, “Most employees are about as engaged as they make up their minds to be.”

The Key to unlock and unleash employee engagement is to educate the mind that is making the ultimate decision—the mind making the choice to engage or not to engage. When those minds see the why, the whats and hows fall into place.

Minds change from within or they change not at all.

So what have you done to improve your thoughts today?  That thought itself is a worthwhile exercise to work with in your mental gym. When something did not go your way, were you able to use your presence of mind to recognize that you had choices at that instant–the choice to become angry or just take it in stride or do something constructive about it.  

From the Ownership Spirit book, I offer you a couple of thoughts that can serve as exercises to think about and ponder a bit: 

1.  We each have a body; but we are not our bodies. We have emotions, but we are not our emotions. And, we have feelings, but we are not our feelings.

2.  Each of us, at the core, is the thinker of thoughts inside our bodies, and what that thinker of thoughts chooses to think has everything to say about the quality of the life we live.

3. We are the only species that can think about its thinking right in the process of thinking it. 

As you dwell upon these suggested ponder points, you will soon find yourself thinking differently about thinking itself.  That is the Key!

One visit to the gym will not turn you into a mental Olympian, but it is where you start.  Doing something as simple as choosing to respond with patience rather than with irritation has, over time, an incredibly powerful cumulative effect. 

A good friend of mine, David Daughtrey, says, “If you consistently do what anybody can do but don’t, eventually you’ll be able to do what other people wish they could do, but cannot.”  And, that is another thought worth thinking about. 

Only you can set yourself on a course of continuous growth and increased power over your life.

“What can I do as a leader to keep folks in the “taking action” mode?  Having big plans for the future is great, but life is about  “taking action” and it is that part that trips us up.  We have positive momentum in place, but we need to put our noses to the grindstone and gut out the “un-fun” parts rather than returning to the status quo behaviors of the past.  I guess I am just worried that folks will fall back into their old ways when the challenge of ”taking action” tests us.  Any ideas on what I can do 1:1 or in group settings to stay on top of this message?”

The essence of my answer:  Great leaders have to be continuous teachers.  Human beings seldom change their thoughts unless and until they’re exposed to new ideas—hence the existence of schools, churches, and even advertising campaigns. 

I recommended to this leader that he educate his people relentlessly—and keep exposing them to personally-applicable material that expands their expectations of themselves.

“Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to higher sights, the raising of a person’s performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations.”  -Peter F. Drucker

I shared with him something I would recommend to any leader—whether you are leading a work team or a family—hold frequent educational STUDY GROUPS.

As I wrote my response to this email, I realized that I was re-writing what I have written in my new book, Ownership Spirit: The One Grand Key that Changes Everything Else, and would recommend that you get a copy for each of your people, and then use that as a study group text—everyone reads the same chapter and then gets together to discuss and apply.  This has proven to be a very effective means of bringing Ownership into a team culture.  The study group sessions can be part of regular team meetings or done on a voluntary basis as a “brown bag” lunch series, open to whomever wants to participate.  Several teams from different companies have done it both ways and all seem to work.  

Thanks for the inquiry.  If you have a question feel free to post a comment here and I will help out! 

So, let me share with you  three simple steps to increase your personal accountability:

1.  Enthrone Commitment

The old adage, Let your word be your bond, seems out of synche with today’s “show me a loophole and I’ll drive a truck through it” mentality. Yet, the world is starved for people who can truly be counted on—who honor commitments, large or small. The principle of commitment-keeping is a principle of power. Look at what has happened to the individuals and organizations who have flouted that principle.

2.  Make No Idle Promises

Every promise we make and keep, however small, adds to our personal power and the influence we wield. Conversely, every unkept promise diminishes our influence. The next time you are inclined to say, “Hey, I’ll call you and we’ll go to lunch,” stop and think, “Do I really mean that? Do I really intend to call?”  If that’s not your real intention, don’t dilute your power by making a promise you do not intend to keep.    

3.  Stop Shrugging Off Lapes

If you make a commitment and do not complete it, don’t just dismiss it with some lame excuse about how busy you were. Own up and fess up.  Call the other party, acknowledge your lapse and apologize. If you conscientiously clean up your messes as you go, you will become less inclined to make them in the first place. 

Thanks again for reading and being part of the Quma Qummunity!

Click on this link to order the book from the Quma Store and you will receive 25% off the cover price of $16.95 during this promotional period.  Enter the code qummunity to receive your discount.

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Happy New Year!  What I want to share with you today is another KEY POINT in our teachings at Quma Learning—a point that I cover in more depth in my new Ownership Spirit – The One Grand Key That Changes Everything Else.

One of the big benefits the comes from higher awareness of our own thought processes is that we can learn to coach our own thinking.  And, one of of those coaching Key Points I call Resetting Our Presets.

What are our PRESETS?  Well, they’re our preconceived notions or pre-existing interpretations that we carry around with us all the time.  We all have a tendency to pre-hear what someone is saying based on our preset judgment about that person.  Without realizing, we make assumptions about their motives and intentions.  We make assessments about their experience and intelligence. And so on.  In other words, before they’ve said one word, we have a preset expectation as to whether or not we are going like or value what we are about to hear. 

Unless we Reset our Presets we close down our listening and create disconnection.  

The good news is that none of us need be victims of our presets. We can coach our-selves to set aside our preconceptions. For example, take your self-centered next door neighbor, the one that monopolizes every conversation. You could reset a preset by assuming the best in his motives–maybe he’s not the manipulator you think he is.  Even if he is, you could coach yourself to be more ‘open-minded’ and actually look for the “gold” in what he’s saying.  The results that can come from that Reset of your Presets may surprise you!  

Unless we Reset Our Presets, we might not really be listening at all. Our presets may be so dominant that our receptors are entirely blocked, and we wind up hearing only what we think we were going to hear all along.  

One more quick example.  A while ago my wife and I attended a conference at which a very successful couple spoke candidly about the secret to their successful marriage.  The woman said, “The biggest key was our decision to set aside our tendency to try to change one another and we decided to work at just getting along with one another.”  

I’ve used that idea in a number of ways since that conference.  I’ve used it in my marriage and I’ve used it in my business. Resetting My Preset from “finding ways to fix” to “finding ways to just get along,” has paid huge dividends for me over the years.

I trust this Key Point will do the same for you.  Once again, Happy New Year!